Have you ever felt drained after interacting with someone, unsure of how to say no? Do you often feel stressed when you think about how your actions may disappoint others? Do you feel resentful because you often do more for others than you receive in return? If so, you may need help with boundary-making.
Boundaries are physical, emotional, and mental limits we establish to separate our individual needs from others’ needs. Boundaries are guidelines that help us maintain a sense of identity, autonomy, personal space, and help us preserve our energy. When we have healthy boundaries, we are able to separate who we are and what we think or feel from the thoughts and feelings of others. Without healthy boundaries, others’ feelings and needs override our personal feelings and needs. And that can result in resentment, depression, and anxiety.
Here are some signs that you might need to work on boundaries:
- You are finding that you often do for others and often wonder if they appreciate it.
- You feel stressed at disappointing others.
- You feel resentful because you do more for others than you receive.
- You feel you must be obedient to a parent, boss, or spouse.
- You find yourself feeling unhappy in relationships again and again.
- You make poor choices about money, often lending to others when you might not be able to afford it.
- You think you are responsible for others actions, thoughts, and feelings.
- You believe you need to defend yourself.
Why Are Boundaries Important?
Boundaries are important for several reasons:
• Self-Care: Boundaries allow us to take care of ourselves by ensuring that our needs are met and that we are not overextending ourselves for others.
• Healthy Relationships: They foster respect and understanding in relationships. When boundaries are clearly communicated, it reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings and conflicts.
• Personal Growth: Setting boundaries encourages self-awareness and self-respect. It helps us recognize our limits and honor them, which is crucial for personal development.
• Stress Reduction: By maintaining boundaries, we can reduce stress and prevent feelings of being overwhelmed or taken advantage
Here are some tips to remember:
- It is your right to set a boundary. Give yourself permission to establish boundaries. Don’t et suck in fear, guilt, or self-doubt. Use a personal mantra to help.
- Your needs are a priority. Recognize and honor your feelings.
- Clarify your limits. Think about what you are and aren’t willing to tolerate. By doing so, you’re better able to identify and verbalize your limits.
- Say yes because you want to. Stop saying yes out of obligation or people-pleasing. Saying no is a choice.
- Remember, It is okay to say no. Sometimes it is necessary to do less.
- Identify what is unacceptable. Make a plan for responding to violations.
- Communicate. Express difficult emotions.
- Trust in your inner voice. Believe in yourself and your feelings. If you feel discomfort, disengage until you’re able to identify what you’re truly experiencing.
- Be consistent.
Developing and maintaining boundaries is a fundamental aspect of self-care and healthy relationships. It involves self-awareness, clear communication, and consistency. By respecting our own limits and those of others, we create an environment of mutual respect, understanding, and support.
Self-help information and information from the internet is useful, but it is not a substitute for professional advice. If you are currently in treatment or in therapy, please consult your therapist, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional.
Resources
National Institute of Mental Health
Harvard Health
American Psychological Association
