We are hard-wired for attachment. Our sense of who we are is connected to family members, close friends, colleagues, pets, and also things that hold sentimental value. But when the person, position, or item is gone, we suddenly have to learn a totally new set of rules for functioning in the world.
What is Grief?
Grief is painful. It’s an emotional state that comes over you like a wave, causing an emotional chokehold. O’Connor, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, says grieving is a form of learning in that it teaches us how to be in the world without someone we love in it. “The background is running all the time for people who are grieving, thinking about new habits and how they interact now.”
The range of emotions that someone experiences when they’re grieving can range from panic to anxiety to sadness to yearning. Cognitive changes such as difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, or confusion may be present. In addition, because grief is tied to various brain functions we may experience difficulties with recall, perspective-taking, and increased heart rate.
The Stages of Grief
The stages of grief, as described by psychiatrist Elisabeth KĂĽbler-Ross, are:
- Denial: The initial reaction of disbelief and shock, where individuals may struggle to accept the reality of their loss.
- Anger: As the shock wears off, people may experience frustration, resentment, and anger about the situation or loss.
- Bargaining: This stage often involves making deals or seeking ways to reverse or change the loss. It can be characterized by thoughts like “If only I had done this differently…”
- Depression: A deep sense of sadness and mourning sets in as the individual confronts the true magnitude of their loss.
- Acceptance: In this final stage, individuals come to terms with the reality of their loss and begin to find a way to move forward.
It’s important to note that not everyone goes through these stages in the same order, and some may not experience all of them. Grief is a highly individual process, and people may revisit stages or experience them differently.
How to Cope
Coping strategies, such as those listed below, can help individuals navigate through the grieving process:
1. Open communication – Communicating with a trusted friend, family member, or a professional counselor prevents you from bottling up.
2. Physical activity – Exercise helps to release endorphins, which can improve mood and reduce stress. It also provides a healthy distraction from negative thoughts and emotions.
3. Relaxation techniques – Strategies such as meditation or diaphragmatic breathing can help calm the mind and reduce anxiety.
4. Self-compassion – Rather than being hard on yourself, reminding yourself that everything is transitory and that you’re doing your best will help you build self-compassion.
5. Manage stress – Delegate tasks in order to lighten your load. Ask friends, family members, or colleagues to help you with some chores, errands, or work-related responsibilities.
6. Maintain physical heath – Get enough sleep, eat a balanced diet, hydrate, and take care of your hygiene.
7. Seek resources – Basic grief education will help you understand the process, making it less mysterious and scary. Understanding what to expect in your grief journey will help you prepare for physical and cognitive symptoms you may experience.
Self-help information and information from the internet is useful, but it is not a substitute for professional advice. If you are currently in treatment or in therapy, please consult your therapist, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional.
Resources
Harvard Health
Mayo Clinic
Georgetown Behavioral Hospital
