Mistakes are a normal part of our growth and are at times, mistakes are our teachers. Similarly to shame and pride, guilt is a self-conscious emotion that involves self-reflections. It usually shows up when we act in a way that doesn’t align with our values. When we experience guilt we may feel discomfort but guilt also creates the motivation to apologize, to correct a wrongdoing, and to behave responsibly. Feelings of guilt can also persist or lead to fixation (e.g., I always make mistakes) and harsh self-criticism. Subsequently, when guilt persists we experience significant emotional distress, including beliefs related to inadequacy and being unlovable.
Some symptoms of guilt include insomnia, stomach pain or other digestive problems, tearfulness and crying, feeling overwhelmed, muscle tension, and headaches. Other more severe signs may include people-pleasing, regret, shame, isolation, or a preoccupation with past mistakes.
At times, our experience of guilt is out of proportion to any harm we have caused, or might be disconnected from any real harm at all. Consider having received a job offer at the same time a close friend is laid off from a long-term position. You feel elated for your success while feeling bad for your friend, while feeling guilty about your elation. In this scenario, the guilt we feel might be irrational and misplaced because while we feel guilty about something, we actually had no real control over the situation and aren’t to blame. At other times, our defenses creep in to deny, repress, and suppress awareness of it. This of course, does nothing to resolve it. In such cases, it’s necessary to reflect on the reasons for feelings of guilt or consult with a therapist, especially if you believe an underlying mental health condition is a contributing factor.
Creating Space to Let Go of Guilt
– Identify the source: (e.g. conflict between personal values and choices, thoughts you believe you shouldn’t have).
– Feel your emotions without judgement or avoidance. Sit with them without becoming stuck.
– Make amends (e.g., call or write a letter to openly communicate thoughts and feelings) in order to convey remorse, to avoid making the same mistake, and to commit to change.
– Focus on what you can realistically control and disregard what you cannot.
– Commit to acceptance and self-forgiveness, a component of self-compassion. When we forgive ourselves, we acknowledge that we made a mistake, a shared human experience. By doing so, we no longer allow that mistake to define us and learn to accept ourselves as imperfect.
In the journey to let go of guilt, remember that self-forgiveness is an act of self-care and growth. Holding onto guilt often keeps us tied to the past, but releasing it allows us to move forward with a clearer mind and a lighter heart. Embracing our humanity and learning from our experiences can help us live more fully in the present, focusing on becoming our best selves. Letting go of guilt isn’t about ignoring past mistakes; it’s about honoring what we’ve learned, making positive changes, and offering ourselves the same compassion we’d extend to others. By doing so, we free ourselves to live with intention, peace, and self-acceptance.
Self-help information and information from the internet is useful, but it is not a substitute for professional advice. If you are currently in treatment or in therapy, please consult your therapist, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional.
